Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
