Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
