out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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