Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Your dad touched me again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
