I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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