I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
