she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize