Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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