If i come over, it means nothing
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
