I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
