the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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