dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
