Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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