You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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