I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
