he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and she was petting her beer can
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize