i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
