I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
