he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
