You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
