I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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