omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
