Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Panties = found
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
