everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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