What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
