If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
