You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
