escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
