Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
