Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
