I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
