i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Someone shit on the floor
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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