I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
