So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She bit a glass in half.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
