strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
