were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
