yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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