I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
