Kiss
Puke
there's paper in my vomit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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