So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
