I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
