Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
