I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
handjob tips. give me some.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
