Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
