I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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