You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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