True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize