Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
