butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
