I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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