if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
