Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize