I hate all girls vehemently.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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