thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
