i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
