Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
