If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did I show you my penis last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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