sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize