There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
me + whiskey = a bad person
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
