He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
