At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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