last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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