im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
