What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
