you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
