They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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