so let's talk penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
