I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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