So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
