They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
