just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
