I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
