I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
