I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
