I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
