I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
