All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
