i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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