I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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