oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
