You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
