just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
