This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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