not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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