so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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